Just a forwarning, I'm a bit frustrated and this blog might just be me rambling on about nothing at all important.
Do you ever get the feeling that you just want to give up? I get so frustrated with the way I have to do things with my girls. SInce they have been born I have had to work and we cant afford to pay much for babysitters. But sometimes there are weeks where we have 10 different people watching them. And there are also weeks when i just can't find a babysitter at all so we can go to work. I'm so tired of feeling like I try so hard for nothing in return. Brian and I both work so hard and for what???? We are still behind, we can't give our girls what they need when it comes to stability like I would like, we can never catch up. i just want to say"to hell with it all" and GIVE UP!!!! But I know I can't do that. I know I have to continue to go to work every day to help out. And I dont mind helping out, I just wish things were a bit more easy for us. On top of that it puts so much stress on a marriage. Brian and I struggle. We are not the ideal or perfect couple. WE make our mistakes. And it's just one more thing to stress about. I do have to be graitful though. Brian does alot. He tries. I have so much family that helps with the girls. I just wish I could do more for all of them. I know Im rambling, i just need to hear that I'm not the only mom out there that struggles and just wants to give up. I need t know that what I"m feeling is normal. I need to know that there is hope, because right now I dont feel like there is. Right now i just feel like its never going to get any better. I love my girls. they are the ones that keep me going most days. They do drive me crazy, but they are the ones that make it all worth it in the end. I'm up for anyones advice on any of the topics I have mentioned. I just can't do this alone anymore.
"Mess" to "Model" Contest
12 years ago
(((big hugs))) Kandice.
ReplyDeleteTrust me, there are so not the only one that feels that way. Drew and I have had hard times.. Can you text during the day at all? For us, just finding little easy ways to connect during the day has helped. Sounds so silly.. but flirting is good, ya know?
Money makes things so difficult too.. I could really use a big fat money tree right now. Why can't we get tax refunds BEFORE christmas?? lol
I also have days where I am so overwhelmed. Kids screaming at each other.. house a mess.. totally just want to hide in my closet and fast forward to the next day.
I hope things look better sooner than later. Things for the most part are easier now then they were years ago. It WILL get better.
Kandice I just want to tell you how much respect and admiration I have for you! For us, me working was not worth it because of the cost of daycare and commuting I wouldn't be making any money anyways. I don't know how you do it but I'm glad you do! You have two beautiful happy girls and they love you so much! I know how hard it is when you feel like nothing is going your way and you are just getting deeper and deeper. I feel like that sometimes too, but it makes the good times so much better! Sometimes I so miss the days when it was just Steve and I and we were so grossly lovey dovey, those are usually the days I try to do something really nice for him, it doesn't have to be anything big, even just a phone call to tell him I love him and appreciate him. Good luck! Hang in there and remember that I love you!
ReplyDeleteMotherhood is a challenge, and you don't know how hard it is until you experience it. I have hard days too, and feel like I'm a bad mom sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI hope you realize all the good you do for your family. I can't imagine doing all you do! Hang in there, things do get better. Just keep doing what you can, and don't beat yourself down with feeling like you're not doing enough, you do so much!
Kandice! I want to run over and give you a big hug. I wish I still lived right by you. I'm sorry everything seems to be falling apart right now. I think the great part is that you're recognizing that some things need work. Marriage takes so much work and I can imagine that with everything going on its probably something that gets put on the back burner because you have so many other priorities. And, with the different schedules you and Brian work that probably doesn't allow for much time to be with each other.
ReplyDeleteI am so impressed that you and Brian are working so hard to take care of your family. I have seen so many people rely on others for money and not be self sufficient. You definitely have taken the harder road, but I think in the long run you'll enjoy the satisfaction of being independent. It is hard though isn't it!
I've been thinking a lot lately about things I need to change in my life. I used to think I was a very patient person, and now it seems like my little girl tests my patience to the limit everyday. I was thinking that being a parent really helps to make us a better person, but VERY slowly because I have so much to learn and change. It is hard. Very hard. There are many days I miss going to work in an office. I really enjoyed my career and so being a stay at home mom has been a huge adjustment for me. I've learned to really love the little things in life though, and to try and make the seemingly menial things be fun.
Anyway, I am rambling. I hope things start looking up for you. Have you told Brian how you're feeling? I've found that telling Todd how I'm feeling helps me feel better, and helps him better understand my moods and emotions.
Hang in there. You are doing so well, even when you don't see it. There are many who are impressed by all you juggle. Ask Heavenly Father for help. As cliche as that sounds, I know that daily pleading really works. At least in a sense that it helps me recognize how much his hand is in my day to day life.
thank you everyone for your comments. It really makes me feel better that i"m not alone out there. Its not really as bad as I make it sound, things just get so frustrating. But I do know in the end it will all work itself out.
ReplyDeleteYes, yes...we ALL have those days/weeks/months. It's not always a picnic, but when it is, it's great, isn't it? Good luck and I agree with Kim - prayer helps more than you think it can most times :)
ReplyDeleteI dont think it is possible for me to say anything that hasnt been said already. As you have experienced with me yes it is hard. Your doing great hang in there.
ReplyDeleteYou are NOT the only mom that feels like that! I feel like that a lot! I think it is good to know that others are struggling too, cause a lot of the time I feel like I am the only one, so thanks for posting this... "It will all work out." (or so I'm told :) Good luck! We have the HARDEST job on the planet don't we?!
ReplyDeleteAww...kandice I know. It's so hard! You aren't alone. I dont work now but I worked for the first 5 years of my kids lives until Dan graduated from college. And I worked up to 80 hours a week. My last job I was on call 24/7! So much stress! And it was hard. And yes, my marriage isnt always easy either, trust me :) So just so you know, I love ya and I understand that it's hard! Just know you are loved and eventually all your hard work will pay off!
ReplyDeleteLet me tell you, your kids are lucky to have you. When I was little, my mom and dad had a lot of the same concerns; they were young, my dad was still in school, and my mom had to work to support the family. It was hard, and we didn't always have the most in terms of material things. But what we did have, and what I still cherish to this day, now that my dad is with Heavenly Father, was love and commitment. I knew my parents loved me, and that they were working to provide for me. Some parents worry that, by having to work, they won't be there for their children--but in my experience, it's only the good parents who worry about this! My dad wasn't around as much as he wanted to be, but he was always there when I needed him--and that was what counted. Also, as far as babysitters go, in the long run, your children will benefit, I promise you. They'll grow up more outgoing, and more adaptable, because they've had more variety of experience. They'll learn that their whole family (and those folks in your life who are family by love only) loves them, and is dependable. That's priceless.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. You're a Daughter of God, and a great wife and mother. Your family is lucky to have you!