what matters most

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYhDhiojBPA
I have been going through a rough time so seeing this vedio just put a few things into prespective.

sleep over

The girls' new things is Ali throws all her stuff into Alyssa crib and tires to climb into it. SO instead of her climbing we just put her in there. They end up having a little sleep over in Alyssa crib. We only let them do this on weekends and the night they do it they tend not to sleep very well and wake up crancky. we will see how tomorrow goes but they just have so much fun. LOL

Ali before bed. She was so tired she was just laying down on the floor with her blanket.

Alyssa even more tired. She is laying ontop of their table. lol even though they were so tired that night it still took them about an hour to fall asleep. silly girls.

Alyssa hurt finger

Alyssa got her poor little finger smashed in the screen door at grandmas house (grandma did it) and this is what it looked like. she would not let me touch it. the one with the band aid on it is just  a tiny scratch. Her little pinky is something else. it's all swollen and bruised and cut. It was pretty bad. she wouldnt move it so I was scared it was broken so of course I took her in. and a cute little X Ray later of her little fingers, everything came back fine. On our way home she started singing a song to me. I think she is okay now,:-) LOL poor mom takes things way too serious. I just know the time I decide not to take her in she will have something broken or need stiches. just my luck.

winter pictures

So here are Christmas pictures. Brians sister was in town and her husband Troy takes pictures so we asked him to help us out. The girls didn't really want to take pictures so we didn't get that great of shots but nect time we know to let them have a nap and lunch first. Alyssa is in the purple and Ali in pink and he red dresses I"m not sure who is who. lol

giving up

Just a forwarning, I'm a bit frustrated and this blog might just be me rambling on about nothing at all important.
Do you ever get the feeling that you just want to give up? I get so frustrated with the way I have to do things with my girls. SInce they have been born I have had to work and we cant afford to pay much for babysitters. But sometimes there are weeks where we have 10 different people watching them. And there are also weeks when  i just can't find a babysitter at all so we can go to work. I'm so tired of feeling like I try so hard for nothing in return. Brian and I both work so hard and for what???? We are still behind, we can't give our girls what they need when it comes to stability like I would like, we can never catch up. i just want to say"to hell with it all" and GIVE UP!!!! But I know I can't do that. I know I have to continue to go to work every day to help out. And I dont mind helping out, I just wish things were a bit more easy for us. On top of that it puts so much stress on a marriage. Brian and I struggle. We are not the ideal or perfect couple. WE make our mistakes. And it's just one more thing to stress about. I do have to be graitful though. Brian does alot. He tries. I have so much family that helps with the girls. I just wish I could do more for all of them. I know Im rambling, i just need to hear that I'm not the only mom out there that struggles and just wants to give up. I need t know that what I"m feeling is normal. I need to know that there is hope, because right now I dont feel like there is. Right now i just feel like its never going to get any better. I love my girls. they are the ones that keep me going most days. They do drive me crazy, but they are the ones that make it all worth it in the end. I'm up for anyones advice on any of the topics I have mentioned. I just can't do this alone anymore.